last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
