The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
