I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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