I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
