she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Randomize
