I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
