Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
