Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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