I swear god or herbie drove my car home
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
