Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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