Christians are straight up FREAKS
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
