so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I didn't notice because vodka
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my liver is dry heaving
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
