I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
