Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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