She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
