I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
