I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he fucked my hip out of place.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
