when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
