i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
