I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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