I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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