I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
