She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
