its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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