I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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