Screwed.edu
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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