I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
