i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
