no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
