you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
