3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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