My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
