i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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