I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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