I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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