On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
