Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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