Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
