just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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