Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
