addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
