she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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