Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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