Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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