we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
