I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
