Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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