you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
