Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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