if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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