DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
