somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
